


Not Mine

by Stonyinspirationwriter



Series: Not Mine [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, stony - Fandom, superhusbands - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Childhood Trauma, Divorce, Father-Son Relationship, Love, M/M, Original Character(s), Parent Steve Rogers, Parent-Child Relationship, Parent/ Child seperation, Separation Anxiety, Seperation, Stony - Freeform, Superhusbands (Marvel), Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony loves his son, original child character - Freeform, single parent steve rogers, single parent tony stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 15:39:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5380709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stonyinspirationwriter/pseuds/Stonyinspirationwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is once again believed to be dead, which leaves Tony as his child’s guardian. Years later Steve is found alive, but something isn’t right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Mine

**Author's Note:**

> Note: A series of experimental pieces to hopefully be turned into a larger fic
> 
> In this piece Tony deals with the fact that he may lose his son to Steve.

“But you’re my Daddy.”

Tony felt his heart spike.

He had never before referred to Tony as his daddy. Steve had always been daddy. Tony had made sure of it.

The child was staring into Tony’s eyes with those luminous, blue pools of conviction that, for lack of a better word, were called eyes. His brow was furrowed and his cherry red lips were locked into a stubborn pout. He looked so much like Steve and even after six years that reality had never stopped hurting.

Tony opened his mouth to speak but only a low, breathy sound of air pushed past his lips. There’s a pain in his throat and there are fresh tears ready to drop at a moments notice.

“JJ…” Tony rasped, caressing his little cheek with his thumb.

His little boy. Growing up so fast. Still too little to understand. But then again, what adult could understand this sci-fi novel that Tony’s life had become? He can’t comprehend it entirely himself. JJ will never know the truth, Tony will make sure of it. 

“ No”, Tony finally managed to say. His throat grew tighter and he felt like he was choking. He swallowed, forcing the searing pain back down, and took a shaking breath.

“Steve is your Daddy”, Tony continued, trying to keep his voice level. “And you need to go live with him.“ 

“Steve can live with us”, JJ insisted. 

_Tony closed his eyes for a moment._

_Steve grasping his hand as Tony writhed beneath him._

_Tony staying up half the night just to make sure Steve was really there beside him; warm, solid, alive, and breathing._

_JJ and Steve laughing and playing together in the backyard._

_Steve whispering to Tony that he loves him._

_The three of them a family living in blissful ignorance._

 Those memories existed in a fabricated past. It was all a sham.  None of it should have happened.

Tony had been coping. The pain and the feeling of loss was, and would always be a constant until the day that he finally died, but he had learned to live with it; to get out of bed every morning, to shower, to be a semi-functioning adult because he still had a little part of Steve in the form of a child, and that child needed him. 

Steve needed to stay dead, at least for Tony, because Tony was so dangerously close to fucking losing it. Maybe he could somehow delete his brain so he could continue living in his fantasy. But doing that would be the ultimate betrayal to Steve. His Steve.The real Steve.

As much as it festered his conscience, the most important thing right now  was to preserve some sort of that fantasy for JJ. 

Tony opened his eyes, refocusing his attention back to JJ–focusing on JJ was how he got through the rough patches. Just breathe and focus on what’s best for JJ. JJ was the only thing in the world that mattered.

Tony sighed. “That’s no longer an option, kid.”

“You live with us.” JJ demanded, tugging anxiously at Tony’s sleeve.

Tony gave him a wry smile. “I can’t. But I’ll visit you, and you’ll visit. We’ll still see each other all the time…This arrangement doesnt change us. Do you understand?”

“I want to stay here”, JJ whined, clutching the material of Tony’s shirt. “I don’t want you to go away.” JJ lowered his eyes to the ground, tucking his chin to his chest and crossing his arms. 

 "Go away?“ Tony asked, a quizzical expression on his face. “I’m not going away.“ 

“Yes you are”, JJ sniffed, eyes still lowered, not bothering to wipe the tears running down his flushed cheeks. 

“Hey, hey.” Tony cooed, wiping his tears away with the pads of his thumbs. JJ jerked his head away, eyes full of fury. “You dont want me!“JJ snapped. 

 "Don’t you say– ”

 "I hate you!“

“James–”

“I hate you I hate you I hate you!“JJ screamed, shoving at Tony’s chest, nearly knocking him back. Tony grabbed his wrists while JJ fought against him. “You don’t want me!” He repeated over and over, his volume increasing each time.

And then suddenly, JJ disappeared and there was only Steve, yelling the exact words. Blaming him. Shaming him. And then it was like something had burst inside of him.

“I want you!!” Tony screamed, silencing the boy. JJ stilled, eyes wide.“I do want you! Can’t you fuckin see that!?” Still grasping his wrists, Tony jerked JJ closer. “But you’re not mine! Neither is Steve!“ 

“You’re hurting me”, JJ whimpered.

Tony paused and noticed that he was still tightly grasping the boy’s wrists. He released him, and JJ stepped back, fearfully watching Tony as he rubbed at the red marks Tony had left on both of his little wrists. At that moment Tony burst into tears, muttering apologies that were difficult to decipher. JJ immediately followed.Tony took him into his arms and JJ cried into his chest.

“Jamie. Jamie. Jamie.” Tony chanted into the boys hair. “You’ll always be my boy.”

They stayed like that for a few moments, holding onto each other tightly, both silent accept for their sobs, which gradualy died down into sniffles and raspy breathing.

Tony wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but he did feel lighter. Not exactly the good kind of lightness, but more like the lightness of a deflated balloon that had been popped. He was exhausted. And since JJ usually never stood still, he also had to be.

“Jamie.” Tony finally said, gently breaking their embrace. JJ’s face was flushed from crying, and feeling self-conscious, he wiped the snot from his nose using the back of his sleeve. He wouldn’t meet Tony’s eyes, opting to keep his eyes lowered instead. "James, please look at me.” JJ timidly raised his head, his skinny shoulders raised with tension, his eyes red and wary as he met Tony’s.

“Steve’s you’re father”, Tony stated, resting his hands on the boy’s bony shoulders. “But you’re my son. I’m not going anywhere.”

“But”, JJ sniffed, “but Steve—”

“I’m not abandoning you”, Tony stated. “Anytime you need me, I’ll be there in a heartbeat.”

“Whoa, that’s fast.”

Tony chuckled. He kissed JJ’s forehead. JJ clung to him, tracing his finger around the arc reactor. “I love you, Daddy.”

Steve was never Tony’s to keep. No one in his life had ever belonged to him, and were free to leave him just like the last person. JJ didn’t start out as his. He was his biologically. But at that moment he had finally realized that none of that really mattered. Tony was also JJ’S father, just as much, or even more so than Steve was–definitely more than the current Steve.

_JJ belonged to him, and nothing could ever change that._


End file.
